Thursday, September 21, 2006

Let Me Get My Hands On Your Mammary Glands

Top Reasons I Think The Two Chicks I Saw On Michigan Avenue Today Were Playboy Models

1. Michigan Avenue at Pearson? Less than six blocks from Playboy HQ on Lake Shore Drive.

2. Their preternaturally thin and blond hair with same baby-chick yellow streaking pattern and exact butt-length, curved cut.

3. Twins. They were twins. Wearing the same velvet jacket, one in turquoise and one in magenta.

4. No distinct asses visible in their generously decorated Miss Sixty or Juicy Couture (had to be)jeans. I guarantee the majority of Playboy models don't have expansive lady humps.

5. ...no boobs for that matter, either, but there was the obstructing jacket (see number 3).

6. They seemed visibly disappointed that the Mag Mile Victoria's Secret temporarily closed for renovations.

7. Fake fingernails, too long to survive pole dancing, but perfect for accentuating a glitter-powdered and moistened body part.

8. Sounded like (once I fumblingly shut off my digital player) they were speaking a throaty Slavic language. I hope it was Swedish. Swedish twins. See?

9. They scurried onto the Filene's escalator (the longest anywhere, except maybe the Dupont Circle Metro station in DC. I think my ears popped from the change in air pressure coming up that monster) to shop there. Not Bloomingdales. Not Escada. Not Stuart Weitzman. Definitely not Borders.

10. I think they thought I was looking at them. See? They're used to be looked at as objects.

10a. Cause I just think so.

1 comment:

Justin K. said...

Dude, I see Playboy models all the time. I work in that building. Tip off: southern accent and shit between their toes while their toenails dry.