Friday, March 30, 2007

You Had To Be A Big Shot, Didn't Ya?

Attention all Red and Brown Line Riders:

Please move the f**k into the train car during rush hours. There's plenty of room in the aisle (that corridor-type area between the rows of seats, you know, in the middle?) and, guess what? Something for you to hold on to as well! Yes! That's what that handle on the back of the seats is for!

I know you want to be able to bolt out the door at Fullerton so you can hustle in line at the two-story donut-smelling Dominicks with your bag of Dole Classic Romaine Blend, broasted turkey breast, and bottle of Turning Leaf, or to rush to Kinkaids at Armitage so you can get a good seat for any Luol Deng last-minute buzzer heroics, or to get to the Big Gay Ballys on Clark so you don't have to wait too long after your Spinning Class for the Acai Supercharger Jamba Juice you ordered, but I need to get on this train. Not the Direct Follower (which will likely have a doofus with two wheeled Samsonites standing in the middle of the doors). And I'd like to be able to do it without having to make Shakira-like gyrations to get around your large-headphoned ass planted at the doorway railing more firmly than Paul McCartney trying to hold on to his dignity while his ex-wife Dances With The Stars.

And also because I just can't take having some mouth-breather with an oversized Jansport pack and glazed eyes pressed up against me like a lover in the doorway of the train any more.

1 comment:

JohnnyMcNugget said...

I do move into the center of the train, and then I end up with the problem of nearly missing my stop b/c people are too stupid to think that anyone might want to get off the train at their stop. Oh, what's that? Everyone's moving... hmmm, guess I better stand right in the center of the aisle then. Why are these people looking at me? And saying "excuse me"? Did they burp? I better stare at them.