Thursday, September 21, 2006

Let Me Get My Hands On Your Mammary Glands

Top Reasons I Think The Two Chicks I Saw On Michigan Avenue Today Were Playboy Models

1. Michigan Avenue at Pearson? Less than six blocks from Playboy HQ on Lake Shore Drive.

2. Their preternaturally thin and blond hair with same baby-chick yellow streaking pattern and exact butt-length, curved cut.

3. Twins. They were twins. Wearing the same velvet jacket, one in turquoise and one in magenta.

4. No distinct asses visible in their generously decorated Miss Sixty or Juicy Couture (had to be)jeans. I guarantee the majority of Playboy models don't have expansive lady humps.

5. ...no boobs for that matter, either, but there was the obstructing jacket (see number 3).

6. They seemed visibly disappointed that the Mag Mile Victoria's Secret temporarily closed for renovations.

7. Fake fingernails, too long to survive pole dancing, but perfect for accentuating a glitter-powdered and moistened body part.

8. Sounded like (once I fumblingly shut off my digital player) they were speaking a throaty Slavic language. I hope it was Swedish. Swedish twins. See?

9. They scurried onto the Filene's escalator (the longest anywhere, except maybe the Dupont Circle Metro station in DC. I think my ears popped from the change in air pressure coming up that monster) to shop there. Not Bloomingdales. Not Escada. Not Stuart Weitzman. Definitely not Borders.

10. I think they thought I was looking at them. See? They're used to be looked at as objects.

10a. Cause I just think so.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

That Long Cool Woman Had It All

This is what a real feminist looks like:

"Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did,”
then-Texas governor Ann Richards told the crowd, and the nation, at the 1988 Democratic National Convention.

[smiling, Texas barbeque sauce-dripping pause here]

“She just did it backwards and in high heels.”







And a what a real Southern lady looks like: